post university

The itch

So, today I got a call offering me a job tutoring at a local school. Basically what I would love to do. But I feel I’m going to have to turn it down to be able to live financially. The impracticalities outweigh what I’d want so much. This is being an adult and it sucks. 

I will go to the ends of the earth saying this, but nobody told us how beneficial Apprentiships where at the time. I should have done that. Stayed at home and worked for nothing until I had a decent job and could live independently. 

Obviously, I wouldn’t change things. I kind of like my life. Living away from home, the friends I’ve made and, despite my current poverty status with debts up to my eyeballs, I know that it’s better for my soul living away. 

Me and my mum have never gotten along so well. I hated living with my mum. We get along better, she actually respects my thoughts and opinions now rather than just seeing me as a child. Then again, I go home so rarely, we barely have anything to talk about. I work so I can go on holidays and trips, so in between that I’m stuck working and feeling sorry for myself.

This pit I’m in creatively and emotionally is the worst I’ve felt for a long time. I’m getting this itch that I tend to get after a while, an itch for a change. It used to be an itch to dye my hair but I’ve pretty much ruined it so I go to the hairdressers every couple of months and resist dyeing it myself. Now, I want a new job or a new flat or to actually have a car. All things that I need to save money for. 

Saving money means cutting back which means I get desperate at the end of the month and make myself even worse off.

Godddddddddd

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