post university

Losing contact

Before I went to uni and moved house, I lived with my mum. Just me and her. She worked, I was at college or at my then-boyfriends house. Typical behaviour for an 17 year old really. I’d see my mum and she’d give the ‘how’s school?’ Crap that she wasn’t even interested in (‘it’s college mum! It’s different – it wasn’t really) and so on and so on. I pretty much hated my mum. Who doesn’t when they’re a teenager? 

Then I moved and my god! Didn’t it feel amazing to live away from family! Holy hell it was good. I had my own space, I wasn’t confined to my living room, I could come and go as I pleased without a curfew, I’d leave the pots for the afternoon rather than getting a grade A bollocking for not having them cleaned for when my mum finished work. Amazing. Another thing that was great: she started to treat me like an adult. She actually cared when she asked me stuff about uni and what I’m doing and I could actually tell her how I felt and she told me to go to the doctors when I told her about the constant crying for nothing. Like. Completely different. 

It actually meant something when I went home. It happened when I had time or money so she was happy to see me and I was happy to see everyone, obviously. I’d basically lived under all of them for years. It was refreshing, everyone was suddenly interested in me rather than just seeing me as a child. 

Now that I have a job and it’s evident that I don’t wanna go and live back there, it’s changing again. But not as great. I’m in a much worse position financially than at uni so trips are rare. Family events just don’t seem to be applicable to me because of my job. I get told family drama weeks after it’s happened. And this I say both liking and disliking it, they don’t tell me the bad news. Like I’m in cotton wool. They don’t want me fretting about it because despite the depression, I am hyper emotional and stress out, so again, I’m not completely against the wool. 

My mum. We have no common interests. We have nothing to talk about. She gets excited when I’m home still but it’s like 10 minutes and then blank. I still get treated like an adult in terms of that she’ll listen to my opinion and want to know if I’m doing anything interesting. But nah. It’s like white noise. 

She’s also started to treat me like a friend rather than a daughter. Texting asking me how to do stuff, and not like asking if I’m okay. Updates are usually every 3 months. 

I wanted to write all this down to try and reason my self out of being upset because my housemates mum is over (again. She visits often) and I’m so jealous. Her mum is amazing, she comes and decorates just to make it homey for her, they watch films, they cook and bake and laugh and it’s just makes me so upset that I’ve lived her for 4 years. My mum doesn’t visit. And we text every 3 months…

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