post university

Overthinking or overpowering? 

I’ve always been a bossy boots.

What I’ve not always been, is a girlfriend. At 22, I’ve only had one other boyfriend from my current. I was 15. It was the typical extremely melodramatic pairing, he was super moody and cool and I was the geek. I really loved that boy but when you’re at that age, it’s so pathetic and stupid.

I think when you get into a relationship at this age, you really do see how childish your past ones were. You notice the difference in feelings. At 15, it was so intense, we’d have sex all the time like it was an obligation, we would break up every week, give ultimatums and say horrible things in fights. The whole ‘if he dumps me, I’ll die’ bollocks.

Now, I actually have fun with the bf. He has a solid job, car, we have chats about our worries and plans when we’re in bed (the only none sarcastic time of the day for him is when he’s sleepy) 

There’s also the understanding of setting time aside for friends and family (as well as PS4 time, which I’ve allowed him to bail on me tonight for) This is the sort of thing that I really appreciate. He’s really keyed up on that people who cheat are stupid, and that the opposite sex can intermingle without using the D.

All of this and how well our relationship is going is making me shit scared about doing anything wrong. I haven’t liked anyone like this for a long time. I don’t wanna screw it up. I’m having to contain my bossiness when it comes spilling out! In a few weeks he’s moving flat, and having not lived on his own before I made him a list of items that he’ll need and then the rest just comes along in time. Nice right?..

Then I tell him he should get sofa cushions…and candles…and nice curtains….and mugs and it just goes on

Then after realising this I frantically try to back track by saying he doesn’t need anything but what he has and a fridge…and cushions and candles and curtains and dam it I’ve done it again! 

I really want to let him have his own experience and learn how different this kind of independence is, but I also don’t want to see him go through the shit stuff (like when I only had one towel, showered and had to dry off with a tea towel because mine was in the wash) 

And as I’m writing this now I feel like I’m either mothering him or trying to decorate his flat to my standard.



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