post university

Finance vs Integrity

Since January, I’ve been in a massive slump financially. I’m mentioned in previous blogs about it but nobody wants to listen to someone else moan about money but this is kind of different. This is why I’m in so much shit.

About 3 years ago I started working at this place that’s rhymes with kizza tut (yeah totes lol) Anyway, it was part time because I was a student at the time, then when uni ended they asked me to be a manager because I was staying in Scarborough after uni! So that started that. 

One thing you notice when you become a manager – you see your boss all the time. As a team member, I rarely saw him. As a manager, it was phonecalls every single night, texts daily and then an hour briefing of what I already knew at the beginning of the shift. Cheers to his commitment, he wasn’t that bad of a guy! 

I worked with 2 male managers and 1 other female. The boss was male. The staff were male baring 2. There are atleast 10 men to 3 females. Are you starting to see where this might go? 

So, I’d always gotten along with everyone and always had the banter with the boss. But now he has the actual right to blame me in particular if anything goes wrong. This becomes a running theme for the rest of  the 14 months of me as a manager. 

The first few months are fine, I do everything I should do and rarely fuck about, with only slight fights with the boss. Then comes the comments of ‘You’re a girl, you should have cleaned this properly’ or the unnecessary ‘you not got a boyfriend yet? You’ll become a spinster you know’ 

This was just the start of the comments. Further down the line, I lose any sort of focus or care for the job. I just don’t care. At this point I’m working 47 hours a week, working a night shift then waking up for the morning shift at my second job to then nap for 3 hours before my night shift again. I still did my job though, I will say that. Every single shift that place was spotless and everything was ticked off. I had everything done, and even put up with having to do some things that should be done in the morning just so that they could have an easy day. I still fucking did my job. 

But when you get the daily reminder of that ‘you should be smarter than this, you have a degree’ and ‘why didn’t you foresee this’ all the god dam time, you wanna tear your flesh off your face and spit at the horrible twat that is spouting at you. Honestly, you would think that I was full time. I only worked 16 hours a week there. Night shifts. In what universe would I ever predict what was going to happen 2 days later when I’m not pissing there? 

It started around October. The crying after work. I can’t even pinpoint the exact reason why, or what he did, but every shift I would go home and cry to my flat mate about how much I hate it and how much I hate my life and threaten to sack it off. Then an hour later I’d hear my mother saying in my head ‘you need the money’

Yes I needed the money. Four months on, I still miss the money. It wasn’t even that much money but it really seems to be making a difference to my life at the minute. And I really miss some of the staff. They still tell me they miss me and that I’m still the favourite. You know why? Because I didn’t treat people like shit. The boss talks to people there like every word they reply with is a £10 note and they’re wasting it. No chitchat. No being idle. Don’t speak. Do your job and it is my kindness to pay you. 

He’s literally called them peasants thousands of times to us in the office. Spouting that we’re smarter than they are – errr hello, a few month back I was a team member you humongous dick. 

So, I left. I convinced myself that leaving won’t be too bad because I won’t be getting taxed as severely, which I’m not, but it’s a struggle still.

The point is, I was made to feel awkward and ugly and a nuisance and just generally felt like the guys were overpowering me in numbers and that I should try to be better even though I was doing the best out of all of them for sure. And despite everyone telling me that I should stay and ‘get a grip’, I still left. I chose to have a happier less tiring and stressful life than to be somewhat financially stable. 

Did I do the right thing? Well, I don’t know. 


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