The last few months, hell, the last year, have been lack lustre. In all aspects of colour and music, my life has been quite dull. There seems to be a negative reaction to all positive ones. I got a new boyfriend- whilst simultaneously losing a friend.
Both completely unrelated, it wasn’t some scandalous gossip girl episode, just a way of life.
She’s been distant for months, every since she heard me telling a mutual friend I’m sick of all the drama with her boyfriend (bitchy but also true – at its worst it was like a daily argument and crying)
So she stops telling me things. Then she moves downstairs. Then she lies to me about things. Going to view houses with her boyfriend, when she’s told us that she’s going to move with us. Then denying it. Then saying she’s going to do what she likes and doesn’t care about the repercussions on us. Then coming back to us because he doesn’t and will never commit.
I know it’s a two way street, dam it I’m the most emotionally unstable person you’ll ever meet. I can’t exactly join her when she invites me places – because I have very little money at the minute. And I never actually give suggestions for something for us to do.
I just never know if she’s with her boyfriend or wants to hang out or what. And frankly, going into her flat depresses me. Not on any level of feeling sorry for her, but more for me. Yep. Self loving much.
But it really bums me out with how nice it looks downstairs and that her mum helped her do it and my mum is a piece of shit.
Now she’s got her own place basically and I just don’t wanna intrude. And it’s just gotten worst. I feel like she’s going to turn around and say she’s leaving but if I’m honest, it will be a relief.
Because then I won’t feel guilty anymore