Adulting · graduate · Life · post university · Uniimbo

Holding back the crazy

New relationships. How do you make it work?

I’ve been in one relationship in my life. It was intense and passionate but kinda dumb too. Now I’m older and apparently wiser but still a little lost on how to do the whole thing. 

I’m trying to incorporate all the things I think should be bog standard in a connection.

Like trust. I’ve always hated women who get arsey about their bf being friends with girls and vice versa. Something my ex knew too much about – I wasn’t allowed any male friends.

Another one, is to stay away from the sterotypical naggy girlfriend. For example, he’s getting a new flat and wants wall to wall covered in action figures. Something I, personally, see as a bit immature at this age BUT that’s my opinion and he can do whatever the hell he likes with it. My opinion is my own, I don’t have to force it onto him. 

I have my downfalls though despite my attempts. I’ve never been good at communicating emotions. It’s embarrassing. So, if I ever get upset or annoyed I tend to bottle it up until I hit max pressure and explode at the smallest things and then feel like and look like a complete crazy person. I can’t and don’t tell people if I care about them and what they mean to me because I just think they don’t wanna hear it and that I’m being clingy and weird.  I’m just so uncomfortable in my own skin at the minute because I’m still trying to find how I can be there for someone emotionally when I’m not exactly emotionally stable myself. 

All of this runs through my head a million times a minute. I’m trying to depict this really chill person to be around and exhibit how I think people should view things. 

But sometimes you have to call a spade a spade. 

I’m annoyed he doesn’t text me often and it does make me a little jealous if he talks about other girls and it does upset me that he never gives me compliments or even seems to like me as much as I do him….

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