post university

Shitty parenting

When you ask your mother to come visit you and she says ‘we’ll see’ 

As in what she would say to you when you were 8 years old, overweight, annoyingly clingy and asking for the massive daim bar that she would definitely definitely not let you have, but saying ‘no’ would only spur on a sulk. 

In my mothers world, ‘we’ll see’ was a way to fend off tears by giving false hope but inevitable letting you down in the end anyway. 

But I’m not 8 anymore mum. I’m 23. And I’m asking you to make effort with your daughter, try and repair this relationship that you’ve been neglecting for 12 years, since I could do stuff on my own and you thought you didn’t have to bother anymore. Telling me to ‘grow up’ because I got upset that you were fighting with yet another boyfriend. Telling me to ‘get a grip’ because I was mad that I had to stay in to babysit because you wanted to go out drinking again when there wasn’t any food in the house. 

I guess ‘we’ll see’ about whether I decide to come home to a disastrousChristmas again   this year. 



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